ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
