Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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