I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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