I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm way too hungover for life right now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
