There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want a musical about memes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
