Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
