You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
