I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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