K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
