You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
