I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
