So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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