your parents love me but you hate me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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