i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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