He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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