i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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