god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
