i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
