I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
