also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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