I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
