I'm eating all of the evidence.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
