so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
