I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i think i just lost a toe
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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