I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
this is an emotional support booty call
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
