Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
