I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
