don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
