Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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