Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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