I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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