Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
