Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
