Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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