i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
