my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
