went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
