I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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