Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
