he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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