Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
