oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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