fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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