Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
