You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
