I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
