I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
