Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
