I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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