she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
