stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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