Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
These tits shall not be calmed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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