Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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