I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
