at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
