So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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