dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
