i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
