Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
