I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
