I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
