the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
