You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
