So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
