you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
